by Anthony O'Connor
Worth: $13.50
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth
Intro:
Modest fun awaits the Gears faithful but anyone who didn’t play it the first and second times around might be a bit mystified as to the appeal.
Time is a cruel and fickle minx. She ages your body, turns kingdoms into dust and makes those comedy specials you used to love as a teen seem super racist when revisited. Time is particularly vicious when it comes to video games, as graphics, gameplay mechanics and animation all seem to age at an exponential rate. Hence the need for video game remasters and remakes like the recent Metal Gear Solid Delta: Snake Eater. The other big remaster on the block is Gears of War: Reloaded, a modern update of the 2006 XBOX cover shooter (and its 2015 update) wherein burly blokes blow the bits off snarling monsters and make stuff explode. While there’s some rough charms to be enjoyed here, it’s a less successful proposition than Snake’s return.
Gears of War: Reloaded tells the story of Marcus Fennix, a sentient piece of meatloaf the size of a refrigerator, who is good at shooting things, punching things and taking cover behind things. It’s been 14 years since the Locust Horde – an army of narky lizard wankers – declared war on humanity and after four years in the pokey, ol’ mate Marcus is being brought back into the fight. Teaming up with his best mate Dominic “Dom” Santiago, our hero must battle through waves of enemies, solve extremely beefwitted puzzles and then mince yet more waves of baddies to help save humanity from its reptilian oppressors.
Gears of War was never a series that had much going on in the plot department, but even by the low standards of cover shooters, it’s minimal at best. That wouldn’t be a problem at all if the gameplay had stood the test of time, but damn if that doesn’t feel spectacularly dated. You and your battle-hardened chums are filed into corridor-like arenas where you blast your enemies, move to different cover, and do it again. That’s fine in theory, but the shooting just doesn’t feel that great. There’s very little feedback through the controller and the enemies barely react to having their epidermis festooned with projectiles, making the fights lack the punch you might remember if you’re old enough to have played the original.
The graphics and animation are solid, the improved frame rate is a huge boon, but at this late stage, the original feels positively ancient and in need of a full on reboot or top to bottom remake.
Mind you, fans of the original who just want to be able to play on PC or PS5 will likely have a good time. And if you look past the dated gameplay, shonky AI and limited colour palette, there’s a good time to be had. The game also includes multiplayer modes, which will be a delight for anyone able to link up with mates to relive the golden Xbox 360 era.
Still, take off the nostalgia goggles and Gears of War: Reloaded is a mildly schmicked-up version of a game that feels old enough to be checked into an assisted living facility. Modest fun awaits the Gears faithful but anyone who didn’t play it the first and second times around might be a bit mystified as to the appeal.
