by Anthony O'Connor
Worth: $11.00
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth
Cast:
Jack Kesy, Martin Bassindale, Jefferson White, Adeline Rudolph, Joseph Marcell, Leah McNamara, Hannah Margetson
Intro:
… well-intentioned …
Apparently, successfully adapting Hellboy for the big screen is a tough old task. Oh sure, director Guillermo del Toro had a decent crack at it with Hellboy (2004) and Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008) respectively, but he certainly played fast and loose with creator Mike Mignola’s beloved red-hued evil-puncher. The property languished after that until 2019, with Neil Marshall’s attempt at a reboot, Hellboy. You would think that the director of freakin’ Dog Soldiers (2002) and The Descent (2005) would be able to knock up a fantastic version of the property, starring David Harbour no less. Sadly, the film ended up being a hot mess, fitfully enjoyable at best, which brings us to the latest – and cheapest – attempt of all, Hellboy: The Crooked Man.
And it’s… well, at least it tried.
Set in the 1950s, Hellboy: The Crooked Man tells the tale of a younger Hellboy (Jack Kesy) who, after an incident involving a cursed funnel web spider and a dodgy-looking train crash, ends up stuck in rural Appalachia with BRPD agent Bobbie So Jong (Adeline Rudolph). Before you can say “jeez, this looks a lot like Bulgaria”, the pair have managed to get involved with Tom Ferrell (Jefferson White) and a witch-filled drama involving spooky monster, The Crooked Man (Martin Bassindale).
First things first: although Hellboy: The Crooked Man featured one of the dodgiest-looking trailers in recent memory, it isn’t just an attempt by Millenium Media to hold onto the rights to Hellboy. This isn’t like one of the later Hellraiser sequels or anything quite so grim. It is, however, not great.
On the positive side, Jack Kesy makes a decent Hellboy, far closer to the gentle giant from the comics (as opposed to Harbour’s shouty, petulant wanker). Jefferson White also does good work as a conflicted quasi witch and Leah McNamara is clearly having an absolute blast chewing all the scenery as Effie Kolb. There are also solid practical effects (undermined, on occasion, by terrible CGI ones) and director Brian Taylor (Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance) does what he can with very limited resources.
On the downside, The Crooked Man is kind of a slog. It feels more like a double episode of Supernatural than it does a proper feature film and despite a script written by Mike Mignola and Christopher Golden, there’s not much here that’s fresh or new. Things improve a little in the second half, but unfortunately the yarn spun here just isn’t very engaging.
Ultimately, Hellboy: The Crooked Man feels well-intentioned. You can tell everyone wanted to make a good Hellboy flick that homages the comic and delivers a brand new adventure. Sadly, however, a lacking narrative and low budget means this will please no one other than the most dyed-in-the-wool fans, who hanker for even a brief glimpse of their beloved big red.Everyone else should just go back and watch the Guillermo del Toro originals or read the comics.
