by Anthony O'Connor
Worth: $13.00
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth
Cast:
Joe Keery, Georgina Campbell, Liam Neeson, Vanessa Redgrave, Sosie Bacon, Lesley Manville
Intro:
… a mash-up of a bunch of other films, TV shows and video games.
Self storage, those gargantuan edifices where people can stow their crap and inevitably never use it, is such a weird concept. On the surface they seem helpful, but honestly, they’re just making hoarders outsource their mental illness. Vistas of grimy little units brimming with half forgotten rubbish; Marie Kondo must have a conniption every time she drives past one! They are, however, a potentially interesting setting for a horror movie.
Cold Storage, the latest from director Jonny Campbell (Alien Autopsy), certainly thinks so, and with veteran screenwriter David Koepp (Jurassic Park, Presence) penning the thing, you might anticipate a superb result. Unfortunately, however, Cold Storage doesn’t quite hit the heights you might expect, although there’s fun to be had.
Cold Storage tells the story of amiable ex-con Travis “Teacake” Meacham (Joe Keery) who, due to his criminal past, is forced to work in a self storage joint run by the extremely dodgy and unpleasant manager, Griffin (Gavin Spokes). On the upside, spunky new hire Naomi (Georgina Campbell) seems nice. On the downside, there’s a deadly fungus that has escaped containment in the lower levels of the building that used to be designated for military storage and is now creeping around, infecting organisms and spreading its deadly taint. So, you know, swings and roundabouts.
The thing about Cold Storage is that it feels like a mash-up of a bunch of other films, TV shows and video games. The antagonistic fungus is straight out of The Last of Us, except this time around given a B-grade treatment. The location itself, and the colourful characters that visit it are a modern day riff on Dan O’Bannon’s Return of the Living Dead (1985). Hell, there’s even a hot biker chick named Garbage (Lujza Richter), which is a very unsubtle nod to Linnea Quigley’s Trash (a character that caused spontaneous puberty in many young men who watched the film upon release).
Unsubtle homage isn’t a crime, but the newer work should try to improve upon the original or at least add a new wrinkle. Sadly, Cold Storage seems content enough to coast on charm and some fitfully enjoyable gore gags, all of which you’ve seen executed better before and with less dodgy CGI.
That’s not to say that it’s all bad news, mind you. Keery and Campbell are likable leads and have engaging chemistry together. Liam Neeson is dependably chockers with gravitas and sly humour as the aging Robert Quinn, a military bloke who has a very personal history with the fungus, and the film wisely skews into goopy comedy and moves at a brisk pace.
Younger viewers, those closer to the age of the leads, might enjoy this moderately entertaining jaunt. However, for those of us who have grown up on films like the aforementioned Return of the Living Dead (1985), Night of the Creeps (1986), 28 Days Later (2000) and Slither (2006) – or indeed a couple of dozen of other obvious influences – will find less to latch onto in this affable but derivative time filler.
