By Erin Free
In this regular column, we drag forgotten made-for-TV movies out of the vault and into the light. This week: the 1983 stunt-casting extravaganza teen flick High School USA, starring Michael J. Fox, Nancy McKeon, Anthony Edwards, Crispin Glover and Angela Cartwright.
Cinematically, the 1980s evoke a lot: the flash-with-the-cash slickness of Wall Street; the savage dystopias of Escape From New York and Mad Max 2 (and the horde of Italian rip jobs they inspired); the continued rise of the blockbuster; action heroes like Schwarzenegger, Stallone, and Van Damme; the veteran mastery of Scorsese, Spielberg and Kubrick; and much, much more.
One of the key movie brushstrokes of that decade, however, was the popularity and influence of the teen flick. From the quirky intelligence of king-of-the-kids writer, director and producer John Hughes (The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles) and the operatic adolescent cinemascapes of Francis Ford Coppola (The Outsiders, Rumble Fish) to the dark detours of Unsung Auteurs Tim Hunter (River’s Edge) and Savage Steve Holland (Better Off Dead) and the deep well of raucous sensitivity of Cameron Crowe (Say Anything, Fast Times At Ridgemont High), the 1980s were indeed a good time to be young.
They were also a particularly good time to be young and horny, with bawdy, saucy, sexed-up, outrageous, largely plotless, and often luridly misogynist “T&A flicks” like Porky’s, Fraternity Vacation, The Last American Virgin, Private Lessons, Private Resort, Private School, Screwballs, My Tutor and many, many more pulling proverbial panty raids and romping through all-night-keggers in cinemas, drive-ins and video stores all across the world.
The “T&A teen flick” also made its way to the considerably more wholesome small screen…just without the T&A, of course. Keeping the style and form of the aforementioned horny 1980s teen flicks – but cutting all the extreme lewdness and outright sex – was 1983’s High School USA, which was first broadcast on major US network NBC on October 16, 1983. This imaginative high school-set telemovie, however, amps up its shaggy-dog, simple plot with a catchy and very tasty gimmick: its amusing stunt cast is a mix of then hot, youthful up-and-comers playing the students, and various childhood stars of yesteryear onboard as their teachers and parents.
Set within the not-so-hallowed halls of Excelsior Union High School in America’s suburban heartland, High School USA is led beautifully with characteristic charm and verve by Michael Fox (yep, there was no J at this stage, and the film was made just before he signed onto Family Ties), who plays cheeky, fast-talking, excellently-named outsider J.J Manners. He’s got a crush on nice girl Beth Franklin (Nancy McKeon from The Facts Of Life), who is inexplicably dating jock, rich kid, school king, and all-round massive arsehole Beau Middleton (future ER and Top Gun star Anthony Edwards). Cue competitiveness, pranks, parties, and casual teen cruelty.
Outside of this central plot driver, there are supporting characters galore: a teen genius who builds – yes – an actual robot (Diff’rent Strokes’ Todd Bridges); two classic nerd desperados (1980s teen flick perennial Michael Zorek and future cult hero Crispin Glover); a couple of mean girls (Diff’rent Strokes’ Dana Plato, Happy Days’ Crystal Bernard); a helpful and fair-minded school principal (Leave It To Beaver’s Tony Dow); a hopelessly drunken dad (Gilligan’s Island’s Bob Denver); an opportunistic janitor (The Adventures Of Ozzie And Harriet’s David Nelson); and various hovering educators (including Gilligan’s Island’s Dawn Wells).
Despite its small screen pedigree, there is also a highly concentrated vein of weirdness running hot and heavy through High School USA, likely pumped up by director and Unsung Auteur Rod Amateau, who has a resume dotted with oddball cinematic curios, often sexual and blackly comic in bent.
As well as the aforementioned students and staff, Excelsior Union High School also has a deranged, vision-impaired teacher (The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis’ Steve Franken) who may or may not have been a Nazi during WW2; two female students intent on pantsing mean guy Beau Middleton and photographing his bare butt for the school photography competition (!); and a dorky teacher (The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis’ Dwayne Hickman) so desperate to win the favour of Beau Middleton’s wealthy WASP parents that he hides his romantic relationship with a fellow teacher (the mind-bogglingly beautiful Angela Cartwright of Lost In Space) because she’s Italian!
With its inventively gimmicky stunt-casting, High School USA is never anything less than a lot of fun. There are genuinely funny moments, a few meaningful moves, and enough unpredictability to keep the viewer constantly wrong-footed. Sure, a lot of the gags are obvious and hackneyed, but the abundant nostalgia-trip cameos and featured appearances (even Leave It To Beaver’s Ken Osmond aka famed suck-up Eddie Haskell gets a start) more than make up for it.
The star-shine of Michael J. Fox and Nancy McKeon also burns bright here, and the couple (who also got together off-screen) has plenty of chemistry. “We didn’t really get together on the film, but we both kind of sensed it would happen,” Fox told Rolling Stone in 1985. They’re both great in High School USA, and they really anchor this crazy flick with their natural charisma and impressive acting chops.
Unsurprisingly considering its wealth of famous faces, High School USA was a ratings winner for NBC, and the network even flirted with a TV series. A pilot was filmed with just a handful of returning stars (Crystal Bernard, Crispin Glover, Jonathan Gries, Ken Osmond, and Michael Zorek), but it only aired once and failed to stoke up sufficient audience interest. A winning mix of big screen teen flick tropes and small screen star power, the often silly but more frequently entertaining High School USA is well worth staying back after class for.
Availability: High School USA is available to stream for free in pristine condition on TUBI.
