By Erin Free
Worth: $17.00
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth
Cast:
Greg Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski, Frankie Kevich, Daniel Steere
Intro:
An equal sequel in every deranged way possible...
The whole cinematic concept of “so bad it’s good” is a fraught and spurious one: if something is good, isn’t it just good? Even more fraught is the scenario in which a filmmaker intentionally makes a “so bad it’s good” film in a desperate grab for cult cache. This rarely works: the stench of nefarious intention is just too powerful. There are, of course, exceptions, and it usually comes down to generosity of spirit, and a desire to simply make something fun. The loopy but wholly entertaining Sharknado is one example, and so is 2018’s The VelociPastor.
In this prime slice of inspired nutbaggery from writer/director Brendan Steere, a priest (Greg Cohan) is infected with an ancient artifact which transforms him into a velociraptor. He then uses his powers to fight a cabal of ninjas and other bad guys. That’s crazy enough, but when you factor in the pantomime-level special effects (said velociraptor looks like it was created out of papier mache) and high-pitch performances, things head into seriously bizarro territory. And yet, it all works. There’s nothing snide or smug about the film (a usual hindrance to films disingenuously pursuing instant cult status), and The VelociPastor is great fun. It’s even punctuated by moments of genuine feeling.
That feeling is maintained with good humour and ingenuity in the welcome sequel VelociPastor 2, which sees Father Doug Jones (Greg Cohan, now with a rocking moustache, and well and truly bringing it) and his hooker-doctor-lawyer girlfriend Carol (Alyssa Kempinski is a charming star-in-waiting) heading off to Italy…where a craven sex maniac is ritualistically murdering virgins. Enter The VelociPastor…
Kicking off with Chad Everett’s kitsch-genius song “Jesus Hammer”, VelociPastor 2 is rollicking, good-time fun from go to gloriously blood drenched whoa. The Italian setting is hilariously achieved by subtitles blaring “Italy”, abundant red-white-and-green flags, and supporting players with linguini-level accents. The Italian setting also opens the door to a host of knowing and very funny Giallo parodies, which give the sequel a real sense of kinky, black-gloved freshness.
The performances are again wonderfully on-point, with Greg Cohan and Alyssa Kempinski boasting a truly cock-eyed sense of chemistry, and the wild-eyed Frankie Kevich making for a suitably frothing, scene-stealing femme fatale villain. Daniel Steere also makes a very welcome return as Doug’s saintly mentor Father James Stewart.
Though original writer/director Brendan Steere has surrendered the director’s chair to cinematographer and producer Jesse Gouldsbury, he’s still on as a co-writer, and the film has all the gonzo verve of its gleefully whacked-out predecessor. Sure, it’s essentially a horror-comedy, but there’s nothing mean or cruel about the hilariously faked bloodshed (mannequins are unapologetically thrown off bridges and destroyed in other ways), and the scariest thing in the film is a lingering close-up of a hirsute man’s jiggling penis.
An equal sequel in every deranged way possible, the fevered and furious VelociPastor 2 ups the ante but loses none of its predecessor’s sense of backyard inspiration and obvious joys in the very act of filmmaking itself. God bless you, Father Doug Jones…and your deadly dinosaur hands!
VelociPastor 2 screens at The Sydney Underground Film Festival on Thursday September 12. Click here for all ticketing venue information.
