Worth: $17.00
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth
Cast:
Emilia Clarke, Sophie Turner, Kit Harington, Maisie Williams, Peter Dinklage, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Isaac Hempstead Wright, Alfie Allen, Carice van Houten
Intro:
...a stunning, kinetic episode, with minimal dialogue and maximum action.
[SPOILER WARNING: Please don’t read unless you’ve seen the episode. I mean, come on, you know how this works]
Last week’s Game of Thrones, titled “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”, at times ran the risk of being all talk, no action. Well, that complaint certainly cannot be levelled at this week’s 82-minute extravaganza, and one of GoT’s most action-packed episodes ever.
Still, action isn’t everything – otherwise we’d be talking about Michael Bay the same way we do Stanley Kubrick – so did this much-anticipated episode deliver? Let’s loop back around to that after the recap.
The episode opens with Samwell Tarly (John Bradley), standing in Winterfell and trying very, very hard not to brown his daks in terror. We follow him for a while, as the living prepare for battle, and then swap over to Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) who is frowning his frowniest frown.
Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham) anxiously walks the battlements, while Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) and Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) stare into the baleful night. Dragons, Drogon and Rhaegal hoon over head, being ridden by Daenerys Stormborn (Emilia Clarke) and Jon Snow (Kit Harington) respectively. Everyone’s ready, everyone’s waiting and everyone’s squinting too, because bloody hell the colour grade’s a bit off in this episode and it’s hard to see a damn thing!
On the frontlines, Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), Ser Brienne of Tarth (Gwendoline Christie) and Sandor Clegane (Rory McCann) wait pensively, soon joined by Edd (Ben Crompton), Gendry (Joe Dempsie) and Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen). In other words, the gang’s all here and shit’s about to kick off.
Before the final order to charge is given, however, one final special guest star appears. It’s Melisandre (Carice van Houten), hater of clothes, burner of children. Davos defo wants to kill her on sight, something he promised to do last time they talked, but she uses her fiery powers to give the Dothraki burning weapons, which will be useful in battling the icy undead and lighting a celebratory durrie, no doubt. Melisandre tells Davos not to worry, she will in fact be dead by dawn. Crikey, Mel, spoilers, mate. Not cool.
The Dothraki pelt towards the approaching army of the dead, waving their burning weapons of wrath, but swiftly come a cropper thanks to the barely-glimpsed nasties that hide in the episode’s many shadows. Poor resolution claims yet more lives and the survivors flee back to the light, giving many of the warm-blooded serious cause for concern. The wave of the dead swallows the light and comes towards the living. It’s a heavy-handed metaphor, but nonetheless effective.
The dead charge, and the living do what they can. But it’s impossible to overstate how many of these bastards there are. All our heroes fight valiantly, but it’s a dirty, bloody business and we’ve only just begun. Dragons give a timely assist, burning legions of the armies of darkness, but it seems the Night King (Vladimir Furdik) and friends have weather-controlling powers, and have ordered up a brisk snowstorm to confuse the living, and further obfuscate the vision of the increasingly frustrated viewer.
Arya tells Sansa to pop down to the crypt, where it’s “safe” (lol). Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) is guarding Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) but it won’t be long before Ser Cold Balls arrives. Battle rages, and Sam is injured. He’s still living, however, which is more than we can say for Edd, who cops a sharp weapon in the back and is the first of the named dead. Vale, Edd, we hardly knew ya. Literally, we had to look up your name every time. Soz, mate.
The battle’s looking dicey outside and the front lines move back into the castle grounds, protected by the Unsullied led by Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson). The skies are not going well either, and the storms are throwing off the dragons’ GPS trackers.
The battle rages and reaches a pivotal moment where the dragons are meant to ignite a trench. However, due to the supernaturally-assisted inclement weather, Dany and Jon can’t see Davos’ signal. It’s Melisandre’s time to shine and she gets that trench burning. Just like an adorable child. This gives the living a moment of respite, however brief.
Down in the crypt, Sansa and Tyrion talk about old times and even get a little flirty. Sansa proves she is, once again, the smartest – and most practical – person in the room and suggests they leave the fighting to the warriors, because they’re essentially useless in battle.
“It’s the truth,” she says, “it’s the most heroic thing we can do now: look the truth in the face.”
“Maybe we should have stayed married,” Tyrion wryly opines.
“You were the best of them,” Sansa admits, with just a hint of sadness.
Up in the Godswood, Bran’s edibles have kicked in and he wargs into a murder of crows (or one crow? It’s hard to tell) and explores the battlefield from a literal bird’s eye view. The Night King commands a number of the dead to bridge the burning trench, paving the way with their cold bodies. The fighting is about to get even nastier now, as the dead are climbing the castle walls. An astonishingly tense battle sequence follows, with the stakes getting higher and higher. This is tremendously-staged stuff, and you may find yourself anxiously waiting to see who buys the farm. At first it looks like it’s going to be Arya, with the dead swarming over her, but she manages to escape in the nick of time again and again. Sadly, another rad lady is the first death you’ll really feel of the night. Lyanna Mormont (Bella Ramsey) faces off against an undead giant, and holds her own for as long as she can, however she is ultimately killed. Still, she takes the giant with her and dies like a deadset boss: defiant and awesome.
Dany and Jon are still hooning around in the air, when they finally come across the Night King who is riding Viserion. A messy, brief battle occurs, but no one is worse off for it. Back on terror firma, Arya is on a stealth mission through a library filled with undead. It’s a tense old time and ultimately she is rumbled, fleeing as fast as she can. The Hound and Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer) come for the assist, but it costs Beric his final life. Melisande is on hand to explain that Beric is out of lives, and that Arya will shut many eyes forever, “brown eyes, green eyes… and blue eyes.”
Heh. Brown eyes.
Shit gets worse everywhere. The dead start flooding into the Godswood, The Night King is burning down whole sections of Winterfell and Jon gets knocked off his dragon. In what almost seems to be a triumphant moment, Dany covers The Night King with dragonfire… and he shrugs it off like it’s a light summer drizzle. The bloke’s dragon-proof! Jon goes on the attack but the Night King raises an army of fresh corpses and crikey, it’s not looking good for our hero.
Down in the crypt, the dead start to rise because OF COURSE THEY ARE, YOU BLOODY IDIOTS, WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU FIGHT A FRIGGEN NECROMANCER?!
Jon is saved by Dany, who then has her own problems as zombies swarm her dragon, causing the little tacker to piss off somewhere, and leaving Dany in a world of hurt. In fact, it’s looking grim for pretty much everyone. Tyrion and Sansa share a rueful moment of sadness before they’re eaten, Theon sighs as he runs out of arrows and moves onto melee weapons and basically it seems like all of the main characters are about to die screaming.
The Night King arrives in the Godswood and Theon, after giving a final farewell to Bran, goes for a frankly fairly stupid charge at the icy one. It does not go well, and Theon dies dickless, but with plenty of balls. Jon’s about to be fried, Dany and Jorah eaten, and Bran turned into a white non-walker? BUT THEN OUT OF THE DARKNESS COMES ARYA, SHOOTING THROUGH THE AIR. The Night King grabs her by the neck and starts to choke her, but she pulls a swifty, changes knife hands and STABS THE NIGHT KING RIGHT IN HIS ROTTEN GUTS!
The army of the dead is dispatched, collapsing into a desiccated, stinky pile and holy crap, what a save from everyone’s favourite pint-sized psychopath! Jorah succumbs to his injuries and Dany weeps over his body. And, in the episode’s final moment, Melisandre proves she is as good as her word and removes her necklace, walking into the snow and dying an ancient crone.
What an episode! Look, to be honest we had no inkling we’d get this far along by episode three. We’re only halfway there! Can the Night King really be dead? What does this mean for our surviving heroes? And once they (hopefully) defeat Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) will they then turn on one another?
“The Long Night” is a stunning, kinetic episode, with minimal dialogue and maximum action. Colour grading problems aside, the direction by Miguel Sapochnik is superb and in terms of story we find ourselves in a really interesting position. What happens to the powerful people when the enemy that united them is gone? And can there really ever be a final winner in this game of thrones?
Still no ser pounce, but we reckon he’s playing the long game. As for the rest of it, what happens next? No bloody idea, and that makes it all the more exciting. See you in seven, readers!
