Year:  2023

Director:  Julius Avery

Rated:  MA

Release:  April 6, 2023

Distributor: Sony

Running time: 103 minutes

Worth: $6.66
FilmInk rates movies out of $20 — the score indicates the amount we believe a ticket to the movie to be worth

Cast:
Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Franco Nero

Intro:
Mother Mary, full of grace, save us from this waste of space.

2023 will mark the tenth anniversary of James Wan’s industry-changing horror flick The Conjuring, and subsequently, the ensuing unholy brood of copycats that it has spawned, even beyond its own sequels and spin-offs. And, after fudging it with the superhero yarn Samaritan, Aussie director Julius Avery has seemingly jumped from one trend to another, with this holy horror film billed as ripped from the pages of real-life exorcist Gabriele Amorth, played here by Russell Crowe.

Crowe is categorically the only thing about this film that works. Taking inspiration from Amorth’s humour in his writings, Crowe plays the rugged man of God as aloof and a touch mischievous. That he manages to sound even slightly credible with that Italian accent is a feat worth investigating as a divine miracle, and he continues to show the ability to shine as an actor regardless of whatever rubbish he’s been handed (see also: 2017’s The Mummy, Unhinged, and both of his directorial efforts).

Said rubbish comes courtesy of writers Michael Petroni (Queen Of The Damned, The Rite) and ex-DisneyToon collaborator turned Hollywood hack Evan Spiliotopoulos. Like the vast majority of modern exorcism films, they stick to the formula of William Friedkin’s classic The Exorcist as rigidly as possible. The sheer lack of surprise, despite the copious jump scares, combined with the glaring lack of original ideas, both in text and in presentation, make this less into the camp classic Crowe seems to be acting in, and more of a drudge that needs Crowe to make it even remotely watchable. Moments of comedy in a horror film are fine, but not if the actual horror is close to non-existent.

It doesn’t help that the few interesting ideas to be found here are creatively compromised. With its repeated declaration of how our sins will find us out, the story and indeed its main setting of an abandoned Spanish abbey, bring up events like the Spanish Inquisition and even briefly mention the Catholic Church’s history with accusations of sexual abuse. Of course, similar to Spiliotopoulos’ previous attempt at religious horror with The Unholy, these potentially-confronting ideas are walked backwards with almost-impressive speed, and also presented with such kid-gloves ‘for the love of God, don’t make your audience feel even slightly uncomfortable’ preciousness as to appear cowardly at best, and morally bankrupt at worst. The Devil Made Me Do It, indeed.

The Pope’s Exorcist, if divine justice truly exists in this plane of reality, should be the final nail in the coffin of the Conjuring era of mainstream horror cinema. There is an argument to be made that Russell Crowe is just that damn enjoyable that the rest of the nonsense is worth sitting through, but with its rote take on horror, even that is questionable. The idea of this spawning its own Papal Cinematic Universe might be the most laughable part of this whole endeavour, and yet also its most terrifying. Mother Mary, full of grace, save us from this waste of space.

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