Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Extended Superbowl Spot

February 7, 2017
That title is way too long.

Let’s see here: there’s a villain, supernatural in nature, with a grudge against Jack Sparrow. Everyone’s angry at Jack because his irresponsibility is threatening the world. Jack doesn’t work as a character any more, because when he’s positioned as a hero he doesn’t come across as a swashbuckling force of chaotic good, but rather that old mate who crashes on your couch too often, drinks all your booze and tries to sleep with your girlfriend (nobody likes that dude, and if you think you’re him, you need to check yourself). An up-and-coming pretty boy will take on nominal hero duties, but will be completely overshadowed by Depp’s scenery chewing. A great actor will pick up a paycheque for villain duties.

*checks production notes*

Well, what do you know? We were right on the money.

Holy heck, team, but this franchise is looking tired. It’s not that the Pirates flicks aren’t usually some flavour of fun; even the much-maligned On Stranger Tides had its moments (do yourself a favour and go read the Tim Powers book – it’s great). But really – the formula has become a bit obvious now, and the effects-packed TV spot above, eye-popping though it might be, promises nothing outside the usual framework. We might be surprised come May 25, when PoTC5 hits Aussie cinemas, but really – what are the odds?

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