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Clash Of The Titans (Film)

by Erin Free | March 30, 2010 10:55 | Edited April 01, 2010 11:00

A big, loud, uninvolving mess played by actors who aren’t even taking the film seriously

It's in 3-D! It's a remake! It cost millions to make! It's directed by a hack! It's filled with slick, over-used CGI! The dialogue is terrible! The characters are cardboard cut-outs! Yes! Welcome to the latest market-research-driven, soul-dead Hollywood blockbuster! It's Clash Of The Titans! As the American film industry continues to triumph at the box office but dies a long, protracted death when it comes to creativity and originality, this idiotic "event movie" pretty much sums up everything that's wrong with Hollywood right now. It's big, it's loud, and it's filled with meaningless action...and it also feels like not one single person involved with the production could give two hoots.

 

Based on the kitschy, ridiculous but vaguely enjoyable 1981 adventure of the same name (most famous for its excessive use of togas, and the wonderful stop-motion animated work of the legendary Ray Harryhausen), Clash Of The Titans is set in ancient Greece, and follows the battle waged between God and man. As Zeus (Liam Neeson) tries to teach the humans a lesson for disregarding him, he unleashes his evil brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) upon them, with demi-God Perseus (Sam Worthington) - the bastard son of Zeus - getting caught up in the middle. Only he can kill the Kraken, a massive sea creature which will be dragged from the bottom of the ocean to teach the Greeks the ultimate lesson. To learn how to kill the Kraken, Perseus has to journey across the land to get a tip from three witches, who tell him that the secret lies with the evil Medusa.

 

Though stupid right from the premise, director Louis Leterrier and screenwriters Travis Beacham, Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi (it took three people to write this?) add to the idiocy with reams of arch, ridiculous dialogue, plenty of plot holes, and characters that make little to no sense. The performances follow suit. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes look suspiciously like they're taking the piss, hamming it up deluxe, and playing in an acting style that wouldn't look out of place in a cheap local pantomime. Meanwhile, "man of the moment" Sam Worthington's character should have been called Aussieus for all the effort he takes in masking his down under accent. Though left to struggle with dialogue that would hobble even Meryl Streep, the hardly expressive Wortho is particularly wooden here, as if he was trying to make the job easier for the people designing his action figure. Only charismatic Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen comes out unscathed as Wortho's hardman sidekick.

 

As Clash Of The Titans rolls on, it begins to feel more and more like a video game, with each new adventure emanating the vibe of a new "level" on your XBOX or PS3. The overly edited action sequences are almost impossible to follow, ironically rendering them dull and tedious, and they're made even more incomprehensible by the use of 3-D. The result is a blurry, uninvolving mess, but you know...whatever. Nobody involved with Clash Of The Titans seems to have cared about the film...and - by the Gods! - neither should you.